I've struggled with overwhelming anxiety since I was a teenager. As a kid I was shy, but I don't remember feeling nervous very much. I used to sing in school musicals and I was the lead singer in our school pop-band, and before a performance people would ask me if I was nervous. I honestly wasn't. I remember wondering: why would I be nervous, I liked to be out there singing with everyone watching me.

Then I went to high school and I suddenly wasn't the big fish in a little pond anymore. I was just an insignificant speck in a vast ocean of bigger and better beings. I joined the choir and I enjoyed it, but when I tried out for a solo I completely bombed because of this strange and suffocating feeling that was growing inside me. My heart was beating so quickly I could hear it in my ears, and my voice suddenly lost it's strength. This horrible feeling began to plague me in all areas of my life. Soon I couldn't even make a phone call without my voice trembling and my heart trying to beat its way out of my chest. I finally saw a doctor and was prescribed Paxil. It helped to dull the anxiety somewhat, never fully extinguishing it, but at least it made it more manageable so I could function.

I was able to accomplish many of the things that I had been so afraid of: I finished high school, got my driver's license, got my first job, met the love of my life, moved in with him, got married, finished university, and began a career. Then we started to think about having kids, and I knew it was time to come off the medication. I didn't want to risk causing any harm to my unborn child, so I weaned myself off of it (under medical supervision of course), before trying to conceive. I had tried coming off of it many times before, but ended up back on it when the anxiety became too overwhelming again. This time though, with my children as my motivation, I managed to remain drug-free.

It's been about 4 years now. I still go through hard periods where the anxiety starts to take over, but I've learned a lot of coping strategies along the way. Right now is a difficult time, as I'm sure you can see from my recent posts. The ways I cope vary, but right now the most helpful thing for me is to embrace my anxiety instead of working against it. I try to see it as an energy that flows through me, heightening my senses, helping me. I think I often panic when I feel that first hint of anxiety creeping up on me, and that just makes things worse. Sort of like when I went through labour. If I panicked it would make the pain worse, but if I embraced the pain and trusted in my body, things went much more smoothly.

Have you ever struggled with anxiety? What do you do to cope?

I don't even know where to begin. These last weeks have been a whirlwind of unfortunate events. My husband came home one night after visiting his mother in the hospital and told me his mom was dying. The day before we had found out she had thyroid cancer, but this type of cancer is usually very easily treatable so we weren't that worried about her dying. Apparently she has a rare form of thyroid cancer that is extremely aggressive and does not respond well to treatment. She's trying radiation in hopes that it will buy her some more time, but the doctor says he'd be surprised if she makes it to Christmas. My heart aches for my husband who will lose his mother and for my children who will lose their grandmother. I don't know how to explain it to my older son, he's still too little to really understand death. My younger son is much too little to even remember his Nanna, and this breaks my heart.

We were thinking of hiring a live-in nanny to look after the children while I'm working, since my mom-in-law will not be able to, but we managed to work something out with daycare that will cost the same. I would rather keep them there so they have some sort of stability in their otherwise chaotic lives. They have a lot of changes going on with the move to the new house, their Nanna getting sick, their mother going back to work, and my older son starts preschool in a few days. At least daycare will be the same, although they'll be going much more often than they're used to.

I was very sorry to have to drop out of the XangAmerica pageant, but as you can see I just had too much to deal with. I couldn't have continued anyway because we had a horrendous time trying to get our internet and phones set up at our new place. The phone company was supposed to just switch it over the day we moved, but that day came and went and no phone or internet. So we called and they couldn't send anyone out until five days later. So we waited, but no one came. We called again and I guess the work order was misplaced so they sent someone out the following day. Finally we had our phone working, but our internet still didn't work. We called again and they couldn't send anyone until the following evening. Meanwhile, I'm trying to work from home, which is pretty impossible with no internet, so I had to take my laptop to Starbucks and the library to use their wireless internet. Finally we got the internet working, but the guy who came to fix it said he didn't even need to come out, they could have just fixed it remotely. So we were pretty annoyed.

Anyway, that's what's been going on for anyone who was wondering why I seemed to drop off the face of the earth. Now that the dust is starting to settle I should be able to start writing again more frequently.

My parents are 22 years apart. When they were married, my mom was 19 and my dad was 41. As you might expect, her parents were less than thrilled about their union. It caused a huge rift between my mother and her family, which still hasn't fully mended after over 30 years. My parents have been happily married for more than 3 decades, an incredible feat for any married couple, let alone a couple with such a large age gap between them. People didn't think they would last, but here they are as proof that true love knows no bounds.

My husband and I are over 7 years apart. Not so shocking as the gap between my parents, but a gap nonetheless. When we were first dating I noticed the age difference a lot more, because I was very young and naive. He was the wise and experienced one in the relationship. Now that I've matured I feel like we are more equal and I'm enjoying that balance between us.

What do you think about age difference in relationships? Is there such a thing as too big a gap? What if the woman is older than the man, does that make it less acceptable?

I work in downtown Vancouver, which is a popular place for panhandlers of all sorts. Recently I received an advisory through my work email about a man in the area who was asking women for money and if they refused him he would punch them. Thankfully he was arrested, but it's people like him who give panhandlers a bad name. I've heard of other stories about people offering panhandlers food instead of money, only to have the food thrown back in their face. These incidents are a big reason why people ignore the homeless instead of helping them. It's unfortunate, because I believe that a majority of homeless people are genuinely in need and would be grateful for some food or spare change.

I sometimes give people a few bucks if I happen to have anything on me, but if I did this all the time I'd be broke! There are just too many of them, and it's hard to know which ones actually need it. I'd rather donate to charities that help homeless so I know my money is going to good use.

Do you give money or food to panhandlers?

When I'm struggling in certain situations, I find it helpful to think of someone I admire and ask myself how he or she would handle things. For example, if I feel like I'm going to lose my temper with my strong-willed toddler, I'll take a deep breath and think of my own mother or my mother-in-law. I try to emulate their calm but firm motherly voices when I speak to my son, and it usually works, or at least helps.

If I had to pick a celebrity role model, I'd say Rachel McAdams. There's just something about her demeanor that speaks to me. She's confident but not in an egotistical way. When I see her in interview she's always very friendly and gentle, but strong. She just seems to have it together. So sometimes when I feel a little insecure or anxious, I'll picture her and adopt her demeanor.

It not that I want to actually be her, or anyone else other than who I am, but if I focus on an actual person, it helps me to find those qualities I admire in them within myself. For me, my role models become the embodiment of the characteristics I strive towards.

Do you have any role models? How do they help you in your life?